I Can't Be Who You Are
by Fanfiction Bard
Summary: 25 onshots on Nico's unrequited love for Annabeth. Takes place from "The Titan's Curse" to "The Mark of Athena".


I Can't Be Who You are

This is my very first fanfic, so be gentle. I got the idea from when Annabeth acknowledges Nico might have a crush on her in The Mark of Athena, so, naturally, I went for the throat and took some creative liberties.

Disclaimer: I do not own a thing.

**Siblings**

When Bianca died, Nico had no one. All he had was a ghost who ended up betraying him, hatred for Percy, and a burning drive to bring her back. The only person who had genuinely tried to comfort him was Annabeth.

He almost impulsively called her Bianca.

**Alike**

Although they looked nothing alike, Nico saw that Annabeth and Bianca were quite similar. They both did their best to be strong for their loved ones.

**Strength**

He knew that like Bianca, Annabeth had a soft side hidden behind that hardened exterior. Bianca only ever let her guard down for him.

The fact that Nico wanted Annabeth to do the same for him almost baffled him.

**Mask**

Nico didn't want to go back to the Camp. His resentment of Percy still hadn't faded completely.

But when Annabeth tried to convince him, he saw her take off that tough mask, like Bianca would always do for him.

That made his heart skip a beat.

**Bond**

While Annabeth was like Bianca in some respects, Nico knew the bond he had with Bianca well, and it was definitely not the same thing he felt with Annabeth.

**Eyes**

Nico saw the look in Percy's eyes when he looked at her.

He also saw the look in Annabeth's eyes when she looked at him.

That didn't help his resentment of Percy at all.

**Age**

He knew that he was several years younger than her, though technically decades older. He knew she would only ever see him as a child.

But for one, brief, idealistic moment, he wished it wouldn't matter.

**Day**

Her grey eyes were hardened from battle and loss. But her smiles were radiant, and in the right light, her golden hair shone like the sun on a cloudless day.

**Night**

Where she was sun, he was night. Where she was unafraid to be in plain sight, he was always in the shadows, wallowing in darkness. They were opposites.

Unfortunately, opposites do attract.

**Life**

Although a strong warrior, she is kind, and full of life. She is an architect, taking what has been destroyed and building it anew.

**Death**

Where she is life, he is death, lurking in the shadows, only popular among the dead.

She had something that has been long dead in Nico, and it was able to thrive.

It had died in Nico a long time ago.

**Decay**

Ever since he learned what he really was, his life was ruled by stagnation and decay.

The death of his sister, his innocence, and his blissful ignorance.

One of the only things that seemed constant was her.

**Secrets**

He hoped he could tell her how he felt. He wanted to so desperately. He knew she loved Percy, he knew she could never even remotely feel anything for him. But that didn't matter.

He wanted to tell her.

So why couldn't he?

**Hopeless**

He knew the chances of them ending up together were absolutely zero. Her heart belonged to someone else.

Even if it didn't, she could never love him.

How could she? Why would she?

**Hate**

At first, he liked Percy. Then he hated him. As his hate subsided, he liked Percy again. When he saw Percy with her, he wanted to hate him all over again.

But he couldn't, seeing how happy Percy made her. Nico knew she was better off with Percy.

**Love**

Every step that Nico took, he felt as if it was planned. As if he was nothing more than a pawn on the gods' chessboard.

He knew that every misfortune that happened was just the Fates or some sick god playing a joke on humans.

He figured his affairs of the heart was no different.

_Gods, love sucks._

**Travel**

In his spare time, when he wasn't covertly among the Greeks or Romans, Nico liked to travel. It helped him think, yet at the same time, it helped him forget.

Yet, those moments were fleeting, for he would always wish he would look up from his brooding to see that familiar smile.

**Heaven**

Nico had been to the highest peak of Mt. Olympus, and walked through the fields of Elysium and the Isles of the Blessed. Yet, he felt as if none of those places could truly be Heaven in his eyes.

When he was near her, though, talking to her, or even thinking about her, he knew she was Heaven.

**Hell**

He had seen what some Mist-deceived mortals would call Hell.

He had seen the Fields of Punishment, witnessed tortures he would rather not think about at the time.

But no torture could compare with what he had been through.

The loss of his sister, his mother, who he was.

And most of all, being away from her.

**Prison**

As he lay in his bronze prison, he expected he would die. He didn't think any of his friends knew he was here.

Nico wished that he could see her one last time.

**Fight**

Nico never feared death. No. For a long time, he feared life.

But he feared failure to be of use to his friends much more. He couldn't die yet, he had to keep fighting.

It was something she would do.

**Dreams**

As he lay in his death trance, he lost himself in dreams.

He dreamt of his mother, Bianca, Hazel, and of course, Annabeth.

**Pain**

Nico hardly knew his mother, but he was still pained by her death.

He could never aptly describe the pain he felt when he lost his sister.

But when he lost Annabeth to the depths of Tartarus, what he felt was a thousand times worse.

Bianca knew Nico loved her, and that made the pain easier.

Annabeth didn't know. That made the pain almost unbearable.

**Powerless**

He couldn't do anything as his mother died. He was too young.

He couldn't do anything as his sister died. He wasn't there.

But he was there when she was swallowed up into the hellish abyss, he was stronger than he was when he was a child.

He had tried, yet he was powerless to help her.

**Promises**

Bianca always promised to protect him. Perhaps that was why he loved Annabeth, because he saw a little bit of his sister in her.

He made silent promise to protect her, as much as he could, at least.

He couldn't even do that right.

Percy made him promise to lead their friends to the Doors of Death. Nico made the promise, but mostly for her.

He made another promise, to either save her, or avenge her.


End file.
